Instructions
On a Sear's hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."(Dang, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair)
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."(And that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."(But, it's "just" a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."(Well...duh, a bit late, huh?)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."(And...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."(As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."(Talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)